nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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