How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
