OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
