Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
