if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
