She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
