Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i came on her dog
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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