I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
