D3 body, D1 cock
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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