Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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