she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
