I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
