Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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