Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
