I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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