drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
