I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
