dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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