We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
