She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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