When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
