i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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