is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
