My first STD was from a foam party
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
