I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
