there's paper in my vomit.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
