omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
