Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
