3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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