Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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