Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
