Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
