Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
