I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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