girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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