this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
