I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
