Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
