just come out here and I will go home with you...
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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