It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
