So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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