I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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