I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
