i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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