I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
