so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
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