Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
