he was CRYING into my vagina
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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