Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
