if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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