A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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