Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
