can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
