i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
